Thursday, December 20, 2007

The Devil is in the Details

Today mom is having a hard day. I know they are all hard, but some are harder. She called me this morning crying and saying she was scared. I never know what to do. I went down there of course, but what do you say? What do you do? I keep remembering that God is in the silence, so I hug her and I just sit. Is there something else I should be doing? Am I doing enough?
I have taken off of work for weeks. I had the time and was lucky enough to have a boss with compassion and an HR director with the same. That has been a huge comfort to me to not have to defend my actions, but rather have people who care about me. Really care, not fake "words".
I had questioned my taking off until yesterday when mom looked at me in the car and said, "I am glad you are here." Then this morning. So I know I have made the right choice in staying home. When the new year comes we will just have to take it one day at a time.
Today we have an appointment with a lawyer. We do not know what to expect. It will be a relief to hand the details over to someone else and maybe finally get them out of our heads. That can mess with your whole life, living the details over and over and over again. Hopefully this will put an end to some of those episodes, I know not all of them, but some of them maybe.
Today will be so very hard. If anyone is out there reading this, extra prayers today would be really welcome. It will be hard to sit down and tell it all out loud. But it must be done. Maybe we should have asked someone to go with us. I guess that might have been a good idea. A little late in the good idea department though. We will be brave.

Take a deep breath girl, this is one more heartbreaking hurdle but you can do it.

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