Thursday, March 20, 2008

Hard moments

I have had some hard moments the past few days. I have been missing my dad a lot. But then look at the date, we are in the 20's again. Maybe that is it. The other day driving down the street coming home from work it hit me and then again when I was writing on my calendar some upcoming dates for my son (Prom, graduation). God, I miss my dad. It is getting to be spring and I fully expect to see my dad out working in the yard. He loved to work in the yard, to cut grass and plant things. He was always puttering around. So I expect to see him out in the fresh air working or walking with his best friend and the dog. There are moments when it is just too much for me. Sometimes it hurts so much it is like someone hit me in the stomach. It is hard to breathe. I want to be able to hear his voice, to see him out my window. To just know he is there.
I feel so cheated. So heartbroken. So lost. Why did this happen? I know it is unfair of me to ask why, but I sometimes have to ask it. I know I am no more special than others who have suffered a life shattering blow. So I suppose I ask for all of us who are lost and heartbroken. Why?

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Pay us $7,000 By Tomorrow....& a Trip for Mom

I have not written anything in a while. Sometimes I just want it all to go away. I think a lot of the time I pretend it did not happen. I am not sure. I form things in my head that I want to write down for me here, but then I either don't feel like turning on the computer or I just don't want to read sadness again. But here are some updates.....
Last week, the night of March 10 or 11, a collection agency called mom and told her she had to give them $7,000 by the next day. She was reeling with that one. Dad had a credit card in his name only, and even though mom has religiously paid it, they closed the account and turned it over to a collection agency without her knowledge. She called the lawyer who told her since she is not on the account it is not her bill. Tell the collection agency to sue the estate and stop calling her. So she did. Funny thing is a day or two later the credit card company sent her a letter that there had been fraudulent use of the card in Texas on March 10. Something very strange is going on there. Collection agencies feeding on the fears of grieving widows by threatening them is the saddest thing I have heard in a while. Thankfully mom had the sense to call and see what to do. But how many others are out there with no one to ask what to do who just get bullied?
Mom is also going to go to Utah to visit a friend. That should be very good for her and the friend! She and Sharon have been friends since they were kids. Sharon recently lost both her husband and her dear brother. So she and mom can cry and then go off and try to have some fun. I am sure they will succeed with both. It is a blessing to have friends. It is especially a blessing to have friends who are there for you no matter what, through thick and thin. Friends who know that you need something before you do, who will be there even when you do not call. Those are true angels.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Tired Sunday

I have not left a message on here in a while. I am just tired. Things are about the same with everyone. Mom is still deep in grief. Son is very busy with school and plays. Me, I am just trying to hold it all together still. I sometimes feel I am juggling the world which may account for me being so tired all the time. The weight of the world is very heavy. I have grown quite weary of winter and look forward for it to be done with. Today is warm but cloudy and tomorrow brings rain and sleet ending in snow. Where is spring? Maybe sunshine and flowers will brighten my mood? I hope so. I feel dreary and frozen like winter. But it is the weekend so I am going back to bed. Maybe hibernation is not such a bad idea!