Saturday, June 14, 2008
I sure miss my dad. The past few weeks the radio and TV are full of ads about telling your father how great he is and what to buy the perfect father. It has been hard. I sometimes need to just stop and take a deep breath and then go on.
I am sitting here now trying to remember what I did last Father's Day. What did I get my dad? Even now I sit here with tears down my cheeks still picturing him down the street, still sure that if I look out my window I will see him in the yard. I can still see him, still hear him. It is still breaking my heart.
I had the greatest dad in the world. He would do anything for me. I always thought that he would be here forever. I was wrong. Nothing has ever hurt this badly. I still ask why...why...did this happen.
Happy Father's Day dad. I will always love you. I will always miss you. I will always ask why.
Posted by Smokey's Daughter at 8:27 AM
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Okay, I have been feeling a little selfish lately. I seem to think it is all about me, well, isn't it? Should it be? Alright so it is not about me, but for a moment can we just let it bet this way?
Remember back in the 70's or 80's the show The Love Boat? There was Julie, the cruise director, who was in charge of all the activities so that everyone was entertained and kept busy with fun things to do so they did not get bored. Well folks, this is NOT the Love Boat, there is not a celebrity guest star in sight, and I am not your cruise director!
For the last six months I feel like I cannot find time for myself. Mom and the son are always eager to "do something" or "go somewhere" on the weekends when after a week of working all I want to do is SIT AT HOME and do NOTHING. I realize that everyone is still grieving about dad. And we all think about him all day long and there are days when we think we cannot possibly go on sitting in his house or being around the places that remind us the most of him. But there are seven days in a week and not everything needs to be done on the weekend, or most especially, things can be done without me. Don't get me wrong I am a party animal. I like to go to the movies and out to eat and to the mall but it does not have to be every single weekend.
Every Saturday I am asked, Are you going somewhere? Do you want to do something? Let's go somewhere/do something? Now that it is summer this is coming from two people who sit home Mon-Fri just waiting for the weekend to do something! Hello! People who do not work during the week should take advantage of going to the places when they are not crowded while everyone else is at work. I took a week's vacation and had ONE DAY when I did not have to haul son around. It is seven days a week non stop with the two of them. I love them most dearly, really I do. Youngster needs to learn to drive and mom needs to spread her wings.
I love you Dad and I really miss you, you were so good at this stuff I cannot even begin to fill your shoes. You were always ready to go, looking for an adventure. You spoiled us all.
To be perfectly honest the last week has been much better. Mom actually took the son to play rehearal one afternoon and she met people for lunch one day even driving to a place she was not sure how to get to! Plus she has lunch plans next week too! Sonny boy has been studying for his written drivers test to get a permit and then he will be well on his way.
Maybe soon my cruise director job will not be as demanding as it has been. But something tells me that I will still be the one in charge of the fun and games department. Should be fun when the guest stars show up! Has anyone seen Charo lately?
Posted by Smokey's Daughter at 9:55 AM