Saturday, May 3, 2008

These are hard weeks

I have been thinking about my dad a lot the past week. This has been a really hard week for me. My son won a big award at school. The highest honor they have. An award about academics and character. We are so proud of him. Mom and I cried. We cried because we love him and because Gramps would be so proud of his boy! I know dad would still be walking around with a glow of pride even now 5 days later.
In two short weeks it will be high school graduation. I wish dad were here for that too. I keep trying to figure out a proper graduation party or open house and I always cry. Dad would be setting up the world's largest bar-b-que and have every detail defined. He would be getting things ready today. See I am crying again. This is almost harder than any time between November and now.
When dad first died it was all shock and fog. Christmas was still shock but the world is kinder then so it was different. Right now is outright pain. The loss is so real and so present. I sometimes wonder how I will get through the next few weeks. I have cried every day for a week while sitting at work. It is just hitting me too hard right now.
I thank KK as always for being my support when I email her crying and talking about my loss. I could never have made it without her. She is in my heart and my thoughts every moment. I love you my savage cousin! Thanks for always holding me up!
Tonight we go to the theatre where my son will get a scholarship from the theatre group he loves the most. They are always there for him. And again tonight I will cry because Dad is not here to share this honor. I always thought when spring got here I would be stronger. Well, there is always the summer.

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