Family Reunions Were Better Than Christmas To My Dad

It has been so long since I have sat down to write here. I am not sure what the reason is....
I need to get back to it.....hello to anyone who comes here to see what is going on....
I am copying to here an email I sent to my family about our reunion yesterday....it is a start...

Yesterday mom and I went to the reunion in Washington, MO. The weather was good, cloudy but not too hot or too cold, the food was plentiful and wonderful as always, the company was loving and welcoming... ..here is how we happened to attend something that my mom has been saying for MONTHS she would not attend....

Mom was pretty adamant about NOT attending because she thought it would be too hard to go since the reunion was like Christmas to my dad. He talked about it all year long.....he loved his family more than anything and this was the chance to have most of them in one place....... .okay, I will admit I cried while typing that.
We go on......

I had asked mom earlier in the week again if she wanted to go and she said no. I told her that I thought we should go because of how much dad loved the reunion and she said she could not go.....I said mom, say you don't want to go...but not that you cannot go....because you can do anything you set your mind to! :o) She did not want to go.

Yesterday while "Internet talking" to Karla I told her I was going to call mom one more time and see if I could get her to go.....when I called mom she said that she had been thinking about going...that she woke up crying and thought she needed to be around people. Well, I thought, what better people than people who loved dad too!!

So off we went. I am so glad that she decided to go. Sure it was hard...you know how dad was organized and kept things rolling.. (a few times I found myself looking around for him when people would ask about the silent action...remember how he would climb up on the bench and yell how much time was left?)...but we had a good time!!
Special thanks to Aunt Peggy for the beautiful prayer which was the only time all day that I cried. After 10 months there are times when it is like it happened yesterday but other times when there is just a warm glow and I know that dad is still with me......

I am so grateful that last year there were so many of us at the reunion. That was so special and meant so much to dad. Little did we know......
but the memories are there forever!!!

Ricky Wright was there yesterday but I did not get to see him because he went home to rest. He has had such a hard year. Please keep him in your prayers. He has completed this round of chemo and goes in later this month to see if the tumor has shrunk. I am sure he is still grieving the loss of his sweet wife Teresa. Prayers to him!

Family means everything. So if there is a reunion in your future you should attend! It is always a blessing to stay connected to your roots.....and there is always good food!!
But I do have to tell you.....no one bids on a silent auction like Vernon Cooper's daughters!!! You guys were missed!!! :o) The bidding was extremely low and uninspiring without you...nothing says love like a few sisters trying to out bid each other!!
(Donna I love my new bracelet! I know Aunt Gloria would have been in heavy competition with me to get it so I literally stole it because she was not there to bump up the price!)

To my family....I love you. Thanks for loving my dad and thanks for not forgetting us in this hardest year of our lives!

My love always and forever,
Cindy

I'm still here

Hey, I'm still here. Life has gotten in the way of my blog so it has been a while since I have had a minute to sit down and write. I don't even have that minute now but wanted to see if I still remembered where my blog is. Love to all. Will be updating soon.

Happy Father's Day

I sure miss my dad. The past few weeks the radio and TV are full of ads about telling your father how great he is and what to buy the perfect father. It has been hard. I sometimes need to just stop and take a deep breath and then go on.
I am sitting here now trying to remember what I did last Father's Day. What did I get my dad? Even now I sit here with tears down my cheeks still picturing him down the street, still sure that if I look out my window I will see him in the yard. I can still see him, still hear him. It is still breaking my heart.
I had the greatest dad in the world. He would do anything for me. I always thought that he would be here forever. I was wrong. Nothing has ever hurt this badly. I still ask why...why...did this happen.
Happy Father's Day dad. I will always love you. I will always miss you. I will always ask why.

This Ain't The Love Boat & I Am Not Your Cruise Director

Okay, I have been feeling a little selfish lately. I seem to think it is all about me, well, isn't it? Should it be? Alright so it is not about me, but for a moment can we just let it bet this way?

Remember back in the 70's or 80's the show The Love Boat? There was Julie, the cruise director, who was in charge of all the activities so that everyone was entertained and kept busy with fun things to do so they did not get bored. Well folks, this is NOT the Love Boat, there is not a celebrity guest star in sight, and I am not your cruise director!

For the last six months I feel like I cannot find time for myself. Mom and the son are always eager to "do something" or "go somewhere" on the weekends when after a week of working all I want to do is SIT AT HOME and do NOTHING. I realize that everyone is still grieving about dad. And we all think about him all day long and there are days when we think we cannot possibly go on sitting in his house or being around the places that remind us the most of him. But there are seven days in a week and not everything needs to be done on the weekend, or most especially, things can be done without me. Don't get me wrong I am a party animal. I like to go to the movies and out to eat and to the mall but it does not have to be every single weekend.

Every Saturday I am asked, Are you going somewhere? Do you want to do something? Let's go somewhere/do something? Now that it is summer this is coming from two people who sit home Mon-Fri just waiting for the weekend to do something! Hello! People who do not work during the week should take advantage of going to the places when they are not crowded while everyone else is at work. I took a week's vacation and had ONE DAY when I did not have to haul son around. It is seven days a week non stop with the two of them. I love them most dearly, really I do. Youngster needs to learn to drive and mom needs to spread her wings.

I love you Dad and I really miss you, you were so good at this stuff I cannot even begin to fill your shoes. You were always ready to go, looking for an adventure. You spoiled us all.

To be perfectly honest the last week has been much better. Mom actually took the son to play rehearal one afternoon and she met people for lunch one day even driving to a place she was not sure how to get to! Plus she has lunch plans next week too! Sonny boy has been studying for his written drivers test to get a permit and then he will be well on his way.

Maybe soon my cruise director job will not be as demanding as it has been. But something tells me that I will still be the one in charge of the fun and games department. Should be fun when the guest stars show up! Has anyone seen Charo lately?

Dreams

Last night I dreamt of my father. I don't know if I have done that before...this may be the first time in 6 months that I have. He did not speak to me or give me any advice, although I will admit that would have been wonderful. He was just THERE, ya know? He was very present. I could see him clearly. I could remember every line, every hair, every pore. I seemed to focus on his hand. Maybe because in the end I held his hand so much? I wanted to hold his hand forever. My dream was so real. It almost made me forget....but I did not....we are in the "twenty's" again aren't we?

Yesterday we had a party for my son's graduation. I am so proud of this boy. He is everything a person could ask for. The party was at our house and it was lovely. I had wanted to have it down at my mom & dad's because they have a large patio with a lot of room and because that way I would have felt that dad was there. But it rained so we had everyone to our house. We had a few friends and family and that is all you really need. It was a small and intimate open house. We so appreciated everyone taking the time to come by. It meant so much to both of us. The only thing missing was my dad. But he was there. I know it. Because he was still there for my dream.

Magna Cum Laude High School Grauate

Well my baby is a high school graduate! I am so very proud of him. We actually made it through the graduation ceremony without tears....okay maybe I had one or two...but it was not bad.
My dad would have been bursting his buttons with pride. I am sure he is in heaven telling everyone, "That is MY grandson".
My father drove this kid to school every day for 3 1/2 years and picked him up too. If not for gramps there would have been no school, or plays, or parties. Gramps never once complained about having to sit in a hot car in a parking lot for 3 hours waiting for a play rehearsal that was longer than what the schedule said it would be. He never lost his temper at last minute drives or late the night calls from a daughter who just did not have the energy to drive out to "who knows where" to pick up the kid. We are grateful for all the miles and minutes that gramps gave unselfishly to the cause. You are a huge part of who Ryan is today. Gramps, you did a great job...this kid is a good boy! Thank you. Thank you so much.

There Are Still Tears

Last night was the Baccalaureate Mass for my son's high school graduating class. It was a lovely ceremony. There were several times when parents and grandparents were mentioned. Sister said that she hoped the kids would remember the sacrifices that parents and grandparents made to send them to this school. She had all the parents and grandparents stand, etc.

After the service I saw my son in the lobby and someone asked him if he was okay and he started crying. He said it was all the talk about grandparents. It broke my heart. He hugged several people who comforted him. I know that it is really hard right now for all of us. Ryan tries to be grown up and he is. He is very mature and strong. But I have to remember that inside he is still a little boy who misses his gramps.