Send in the Clowns

In the circus when there is something gone wrong they send in the clowns. I sure could have used some clowns in my life in the past.....but now...well my son is a clown. Okay he subs as a clown. But now I know what I have always known....if there is a disaster in my life...all I need to do is call my son.

Where has the time gone? I have not been on here in a long time. Someone asked me for the web address to my blog so maybe that is the only reason I am here. Hello dear old blog that has helped me survive in my darkest hours.

My brilliant son is now working full time in Walt Disney World. He moved to Florida in March. It has been a really hard adjustment for both of us but it seems to be getting better. Thank God for Skype! This is a glorious invention where dear son and I can actually feel like we are in the same room when we talk. This has helped so much!! I can see him. I can reach out and almost touch him, my baby, the best thing in my life.

Mom moved in with us in December. Forgive me if I repeat things you already know. This has been extremely hard. Nothing in the world makes my mother happy. It is an endless struggle to not have her drag me down with her. Right now she is out of town. Visiting a friend. Wanted to stay a month. It has been 2 weeks and she has already called that she is ready to come home. SIGH. She will come back here and say that she wants to go back there, that she can go there to live. Yet when she is "there" she is miserable. I don't know why she can't see that. But then, I guess, she takes her misery with her. Time will tell if we have her move to her own retirement apartment. I think it is a great idea to give her friends and a sense of community. But it is pricey. And money is always an issue.

Word to the wise: Do not get yourself in debt so deep that you cannot see your way out.

So....life is moving right along. Every day the sun rises. Every day is a new beginning. Every day is a circus. Ya gotta smile. Be gentle.

Here I Am

Here I am. Alone. In my house. It seems odd to sit here alone. Mom is out of town visiting a friend and my son is in Florida pursuing a dream. Things are quite. I am alone with myself. I am confused. I am confident.
It feels odd yet familiar. Not sure what to think.

You Can't Go Home Again

This is my house. The house I grew up in. The house that the bank will soon take back. This is a house, but it is more. This was my home. We moved to this house the summer before I started 2nd grade. I look at this picture and I smile. I look at this house and I see my father.
My mother tried to stay here. But after 5 years the insurance money was gone. The economy has not been kind. You could not sell this house for what was owed on it. The amount is not high, not high at all. But like I said, the economy has not been kind.

My mother moved in with my son and I two months ago. She still calls the house down the street, this house, home. I wonder if she will ever call my house home? For months I spent weekends packing and moving and selling things. Watching my past walk out the door. Seeing my childhood memories through tears. I have the best friends in the world. People who had no reason to be there all the time other than their compassion and love. How can I be this lucky? I don't know, but I am grateful.

The house is empty now, just waiting for the bank to take it. This is not how this should have ended. This house did not deserve an ending like this. But maybe my father was the heart of this house? Maybe without him there it stopped being home. Looking at this picture I still see him. Cutting the grass and working in the yard. This house was a very, very, very fine house.