Fractured, Broken and Shattered

I think I am feeling a little fractured today. Tomorrow mom and I go to the lawyer’s office. It always makes me feel the way you feel before going to the doctor. All tied up in knots with your stomach clenched and your heart beating like a drum. The waiting room in the lawyer’s office is like a cross between a doctor’s office and a mortuary. It is that kind of a place. I guess you don’t want your lawyer to be laughing but a little lightening of the spirit by way of room decor sure would not be a bad idea.

I am not sure what we will hear when we go. It has been a year and a half since dad was murdered…oops did I type that out loud? See my heart is racing now. I do not want to have to think about the days leading to his death. To the days they ignored his pain, the day they killed him, the days he was on a machine but really was dead. It makes me sick. I feel like I could throw up. And this is how I will feel until we walk out of that office tomorrow knowing if we are going to sue or not. I pray to God that we can do something. I want closure. I want some security for my poor mother who does not think she can buy an ice cream cone when she is out, or go to the movies because she does not have enough money to pay her bills. I want to be able to go one day without reliving all of the agony. One day without seeing my mother crying and broken.

But mostly I want the murdering bastards at DePaul Medical Center to face the fact that their carelessness resulted in a shattering of many lives because they killed a really great person – my dad.